Epic Beard Man Facts #8.5

Posted by EBMF.COM · 1 Comment 

Epic Beard Man literally shit a brick. -Submitted by Ryan “Danger” Butler

Epic Beard Man was put in the oven at the age of 3 and survived. That’s not a joke it really happened. -Submitted by Ryan “Danger” Butler

It was sad to hear that EBM’s twin died at birth. When we asked EBM how he felt about that he said, “There can only be one” and then showed us a samurai sword. We found that to be kind of odd. Oh well.

So, a black guy, a Jewish guy, an Asian guy and Epic Beard Man walk into a bar. The black guy asks the Asian guy, hypothetically, how much he would charge if he were to shine shoes for a living? The Asian guy said two dollars per pair. The Jewish guy interrupted and said he would do it for $1.50 per pair. Epic Beard Man was not available to answer because he was busy getting at bitches like a real man and not talking about shining shoes.

Epic Beard Man smokes cigarettes while taking a shower.

Epic Beard Man Facts #8

Posted by EBMF.COM · 2 Comments 

We’ve been getting more and more racist EBM facts lately. Please note that we will not post or promote any racist facts, videos or pictures so you shouldn’t even email them our way. Thank you.

Morpheus offered EBM the red or blue pill. EBM took both of them and went to Woodstock.

EBM has never personally been in orbit but he has been known to have sent a few men there. NASA refers to his left hook as “rocket fuel.” –Submitted by 1knova

Epic Beard Man put salt and pepper on Ed Gein’s hand. No Seriously. Epic Beard Man put salt and pepper on Ed Gein’s Hand. (in reference to the EBM documentary) –Submitted by Mike G.

Epic Beard Man masturbates three times a day and has never gone blind. –Submitted by Kimberly

It took EBM one week to drive cross country on his bike – his bicycle.

Epic Beard Man can scream into his own ear.

Epic Beard Man has a dart board with Chuck Norris’ picture on it. This fact is not supposed to be funny. I just want y’all to know that Epic Beard Man has a dart board with Chuck Norris’ picture on it.

Every time EBM shaves an angel gets its wings. Angels have been getting around in cars for the past 67 years.

Epic Beard Man Facts by Douglas!

Posted by EBMF.COM · 3 Comments 

Douglas! emailed us a list of EBM facts so tasty we wanted to put it on a dish and share them all with you.

EBM raised his voice once. And now we have grand canyon.

During the Vietnam war, EBM sniped Vietcongs from his porch in Chicago.

EBM once flicked a fly that was buzzing infront of his face so hard that it started orbiting the earth. When it came back around it hit him in the back of the head and immediatley bounced back the other way. This continued and the fly soon reached the speed of light and created a vortex which sucked the world as we know it into another dimension, in where EBM defeated a whole alien race, and sent us back before we even knew it. He rarley tells anyone.

EBM cries 50 cal. sniper rounds.

EBM once punched 5 guys in the jaw at the same time.

In his spare time, EBM likes to see how fast he can rip blue whales to shreds. His personal best is 1 second blank.

When EBM has a bad internet connection, he rips the internet cable out of the ground and pulls the closest internet company closer.

EBM can put a piece of coal into his beard, shake his head, and pull out a diamond.

EBM makes cookies by gathering all the ingredients and screaming at it.

Epic Beard Man Facts #7

Posted by EBMF.COM · Leave a Comment 

Epic Beard Man went to hell once, had a great time and recommends it to friends as a great all inclusive resort. –Submitted by C.B.

Epic Beard Man thinks the Horror section at Blockbuster is the comedy section. –Submitted by C.B.

Epic Beard Man can lick his elbow while his hands are tied behind his back –Submitted by Jackson

Epic Beard Man’s favorite sport is tackle football…on top of a moving train.

One night EBM had a bar tab of $50. He gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill, stared him down and told him to keep the change.

Epic Beard Man can capitalize numbers.

EBM can feed the world with his knuckle sandwiches.

Epic Beard Man spent 10 years in the mountains studying the art of pain.

Epic Beard Man Facts #6.5

Posted by EBMF.COM · Leave a Comment 

Epic Beard Man is so perfect that his avatar in Pandora looks exactly like him.

Epic Beard Man can get a slinky to go uphill.

Epic Beard Man can get $5 footlongs at Quiznos.

Fanny pack. Check. Beard. Check. “I am mothefucker” shirt. Check. Competition. Check pending.

Epic Beard Man was such a bad ass sniper that his uniform consisted of a bright yellow raincoat, glowsticks and peacock feathers.

Related Posts with Thumbnails