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EBM Cast Facts by C.B. – Tough Thug Tyrone and Iyanna Washington

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Tough Thug Tyrone is so dumb he failed to notice that he was messing with a man so tough he has to wear a shirt that clearly states he is not about to take any shit from anyone at any time.

Tough Thug Tyrone doesnt have cornrows, his hair knew that Epic Beard Man was about to let loose and it tried to hide.

This is Tough Thug Tyrone’s second career, he used to be a speedbump but got fired because pavement is smarter.

Tough Thug Tyrone wants a rematch with Epic Beard Man, he clearly shouldn’t be allowed outdoors without full body armour in case he gets any more bright ideas.

Tough Thug Tyrone couldnt go to school because they dont have buses short enough.

Iyanna Washington cant not steal from others or herself, this is proven when she smiles and its evident she purposely stole every other tooth in her own mouth.

Iyanna Washington’s lies are so powerful she can watch herself on video and still believe a totally different version of events.

Iyanna Washington walks by ppl and they get smarter just by her presence.

Iyanna Washington thinks fruit roll ups grow on trees.

Iyanna Washington wears a beanie to hide the space where her brain is supposed to be.

Iyanna Washington likes the finer things in life, but doesnt know how to pay for them.

Iyanna Washington cried when they gave her a debit card, she thought she owed more people money.

Iyanna Washington sees babies and wonders why there are so many little people, it confuses her to this day.

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February 22, 2010 · Tagged with

EBM FACTS

Epic Beard Man Facts #6

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The Richter Scale was invented to monitor Epic Beard Man’s bowel movements. -Submitted by Neil L.

When Epic Beard Man chops onions, he makes them cry. -Submitted by Neil L.

Epic Beard Man’s birth certificate is a Class 3 weapons license. -Submitted by Neil L.

Global Warming doesn’t exist. EBM got cold, so he turned up the sun. -Submitted by John F.

Epic Beard Man does not have veins, he has tiny power cables. -Submitted by Jackson

EBM doesnt wake up for his alarm clock, his alarm screams because it knows he is about to wake up. -Submitted by Eugene H.

Doc Martens tried to sponsor EBM but he turned them down, he prefers to administer his ass beatings with style. -Submitted by Eugene H.

When Chuck Norris weeps, it makes the same sound as EBM laughing. -Submitted by Eugene H.

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February 22, 2010 · Tagged with

EBM FACTS

Epic Beard Man Facts #5.5

Posted by EBMF.COM · 2 Comments 

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, EBM asks for a body bag. -Submitted by Matthew A.

My kids’ future holiday photos will be taken with Epic Beard Man. Santa ain’t got shit on Jolly Ol’ Tommy Slick! -Submitted by Corinn M.

Epic beard man once had a encounter with bigfoot. Only to find out that bigfoot was his long lost son. -Submitted by Tommy M.

The Grim Reaper fears only two things in the known universe, and Epic Beard Man is both of them. -Submitted by Kevin R.

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February 21, 2010 · Tagged with

EBM FACTS

Epic Beard Man Facts #5

Posted by EBMF.COM · 1 Comment 

EBM wasn’t a Pimp in the conventional sense. Random women would pay him just so they could have sex with someone besides EBM. -Submitted by Mike

Epic Beard Man was released from prison because they couldnt put all the other inmates in protective custody. -Submitted by C B

Epic Beard Man looks at babies and they give him there candy. -Submitted by C B

Epic Beard Man doesnt need GPS, he’s always on the righteous path. -Submitted by C B

EBM can’t shave because steel can’t cut awesome. -Submitted by Morgan

Chuck Norris was named after Epic Beard Mans shadow. -Submitted by Tyler H.

EBM can make a paper airplane out of a plastic shopping bag.

Epic Beard Man takes vacations in purgatory.

EMAIL YOUR EPIC BEARD MAN FACT TO epicbeardmanfacts@yahoo.com

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February 20, 2010 · Tagged with

EBM FACTS

Epic Beard Man Facts by C.B.

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We’ve been hit with a S-load of emails with good, bad and ugly EBM facts. Below is a list of EBM facts sent in by one of our favorite readers: C.B. He had a list so good that we couldn’t throw any away. You have a talent my boy. A talent indeed.

Epic Beard Man didn’t have to part the red sea, it parted for him.

Epic Beard Man grew up on tough st. The stop sign knew better and let him roll on by.

Epic Beard Man eats pussies for breakfast, the asshole’s next door know to keep there distance.

Epic Beard Man caught a cold once, it asked for penicillan to kill itself.

Epic Beard Man tried to get into the UFC but they dont have a asswuppin division.

Epic Beard Man walks by newspaper boxes and they spit out the news before it happens.

Epic Beard Man sees a sign that says “line starts here” It automatically changes and says “line starts behind the Beard”.

Epic Beard Man goes to the Zoo and the Lions hide.

Epic Beard Man looked at a fortune cookie and it knew what the real future was.

Epic Beard Man had his wallet stolen once, his wallet kicked the shit outta the guy and came home.

Epic Beard Man is the only person to get the “Nobel Peace Prize” for keeping the peace just by being in the area.

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February 19, 2010 · Tagged with

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